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The following is an actual account that took place 5 years ago. The names of the individuals have been amended though to protect their privacy.
Ariel and Belinda have been the best of friends since secondary one. They were classmates and they even joined the same Co-Curricular activities like the student council and the school choir due to similar interests.
Gradually. their friendship grew stronger as they were spending a lot of time together and they were each other’s pillar of support and encouragement.
They both wanted the position (vice-president) in the choir executive committee,
and they went to audition for the lead role in the school’s musical. Both even participated in the annual story telling competition organized by the school.
Ultimately, the results of the competitions ended in favour of Ariel. She was voted as the vice president of the school choir, she won the story telling competition and she managed to land herself a lead role in the school’s musical.
As such, Ariel often shared her joy to Belinda, expecting that she will happy for her but only to realize Belinda often got very distracted and would tend to look away.
Gradually, Ariel felt that Belinda was distancing herself from her. She finally went to talk to Belinda face to face about the distant feeling that she was getting from Belinda.
Belinda told Ariel that it was becoming increasingly difficult being friends with her because she felt very stressed being with someone who is so outstanding.All that she had wanted, she never had a chance because all the chances were given to Ariel and all these made her felt very inferior.
Ariel felt very hurt and tried explaining things to Belinda that she never meant to vie with Belinda for anything as she was just pursuing what she liked.
“ But it’s not easy being friends with a superwoman like you.”
That was the last thing that Belinda spoke to Ariel.
If you were a friend of the both of them and Ariel came to you for help because she very much want to salvage the friendship that she so cherished,
what suggestions would you offer to help her ?
6 comments:
Hello Hannah, the title of your blog sounds like a physics chapter to me:P
I guess this issue is pretty tricky. Probably you need to let both girls cool down first.
Belinda is probably pretty upset with not excelling. She might not be in a rational mind when she confronted Ariel. I suggest you to approach Belinda some time after the quarrel. Talk to her nicely and explain to her, “It’s not the mountain we conquer, but ourselves”. Close friends are hard to come by. It is not easy to find a friend who shares the same chemistry with her, so she should treasure the friendship. Competition exists in everywhere we go, if she was to be angry with whomever whenever she lost, she is going to lose a lot of friends.
Ariel might have been hurt by the words said by Belinda. Ariel might also feel that their four years of friendship is so vulnerable. However, you can tell her that Belinda is just very disappointed with her lost. That explains her abnormal behavior. She is trying to find someone to be blamed so she would not feel so bad about herself. Ariel should try to be an understanding friend and not be angry with her.
Try to create an opportunity for the two of them to meet after the quarrel. Create chance for them to communicate and clarify any misunderstanding between them. Since they were close friends of four years, I believe both treasure the friendship a lot and conflicts could be resolve.
Gwen :)
First of all when Ariel approaches you regarding the problem, tell her not to worry too much about it, tell her not to be too upset about it. Afterall, it was not as if she did it on purpose to hurt Belinda. I guess she could have been a little more sensitive when telling Belinda about her wins. Belinda may have felt that Ariel was trying to rub salt into her wounds hence causing her to react in that way. You could tell Ariel that she should try to be a little more mindful about the way she presents herself. And since the 2 of them were good friends, I am pretty sure that Belinda will be able to share Ariel's joy with her eventually (if the matter had beeb handled differently).
Also, I think that Belinda just wasn't processing all the information too well at that point in time. I mean, it must have been quite a blow for her, not getting what she wanted in when she had probably worked just as hard as Ariel for the same spots, and yet at the end of the day, it was her best friend who well seems to have snatched away what she had wanted. Like what Gwen said, i think you'll need to give Belinda some time to cool off first, let her think about her friendship with Ariel and whether it is worth losing her simply because Ariel is apparently "better" than her. Ariel should continue to stay with Belinda (as how she would normally do so) even if the latter is trying to avoid her.
Ariel needs to help Belinda boost her confidence. She could try doing so by proving to her that well, Ariel may be better in these areas, but Belinda could still beat her hands down in other areas. Ariel could try asking her for her opinon regarding some of the problems that she may be facing, so that she would realise that there are she isn't the invalid that she thinks she is (I guess, people do need a little ego boost now and then, especially from someone whom they think so highly of..).
But I think that as this is a matter between the 2 of them, we as outsiders should try not to interfere with the matter, and let the 2 of them sort things out between themselves=]
I think the problem is occured on belinda side, hence I will approach and talk to belinda nicely that actually there is nothing wrong to befriend with outstanding people like ariel, she shouldn't take it so seriously that ariel is vie with her in every field.
In fact, aerial has no intention to compete with belinda but she just wants to share the joy with her, furthermore, she can treat her as a great friend that she can learn something from to improve herself.
Hey Hannah
I think this is something which happens quite often at school and even work. I also think that such things seem to be occuring mostly among females, probably its due to out mentality.
Anyways I feel in this situation I would talk to Belinda and explain to her that its not worth to give up a good friend just because she is smarter. I would advice her to focus on her own interests and not to feel competitive. In anycase a competition is meant for one party to win and the other party to loose. We have to learn to accept both victory and defeat that a part of Competition. I would talk to her very softly and try to remind her about the good times she had when she was friends with Ariel.
Friendship can be compromised with betrayal but this is no reason to for Ariel and Belinda to loose their friendship..:)
Vijani
i believe that this is a tricky situation. As a mutual friend, its almost impossible to take sides. What i would do is to reiterate the emotions that Belinda is experiencing to Ariel and help her see things from the point of view of Belinda and in future if they do become friends again, Ariel should be more sensitive to the feelings of Belinda and try not to share her accomplishments with Belinda. Even if she wants to share something of that nature to her, Ariel should probably play the situation of her accomplishment.
When speaking to Belinda on the other hand, i would tell her that its only natural that Ariel wants to share her joy with her and that this friendship means alot to her. It was obviously not the intention of Ariel to brag about her achievements, otherwise she would not be heart-broken by this issue.
Thank you, Hannah! You have inspired lots of feedback from your classmates with this well described scenario! I really appreciate your hard work!
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